TAXDODGERS

We’re the best team in the world. Why? Because we own the league, pay off the referees, rig the game, and edit the scoreboard. In short, we are number 1. And by that we mean we are the 1%. 

Actually, make that the 0.1%. And for a small cost of just hundreds of millions of dollars, we win big every time. We’ve got a line-up of heavy hitters who know how to aim for the loopholes. And because of that, we have helped companies like GE, Verizon and Bank of America avoid paying their taxes for years. Over the last decade, we succeeded in depriving America of over $1 trillion in revenues. Not billion. Trillion. 

Remember that whole budget crisis thing. Yeah, we knocked that one out of the park. You’re welcome. 

What’s more, a lot of us even get tax rebates. Yeah, you heard that right. We don’t pay taxes and we still get money back. Your money. And that’s in the billions, too. 

So while you are out there working hard, trying to be decent citizens, payin’ your fair share and all that, we’re playing this game at a whole other level. In a time of economic crisis, you might consider it a patriotic duty to pay taxes so that hospitals, roads, firehouses, and police departments can keep running; or so that those who fall on hard times have a safety net to help them get back on their feet.

But we don’t play for Team America. To put it simply, we are ‘In a League Of Our Own.’ 

So on Tax Day, just remember that while you are stepping up to bat for the ol’ US of A, and doing your part to keep this country working, we pay nothing. Nada. Zip.

Yeah, yeah, we hear you cryin’ about it. “That ain’t fair! That ain’t right!” Well guess what.

Fairness is for shmucks.

Batter up,

The Tax Dodgers

Bought to you by…

GE, Verizon, Bank of America, News Corporation, Exxon Mobile, Pfizer, DuPont, Time Warner, Boeing, Google, IBM, Oracle, Altria (Phillip Morris), Morgan Stanley, Hewlett Packard, Wells Fargo, CitiBank…you get the picture.